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May 3 Chat Part 5 Dr. Fristad: The won’ts are when kids are still in control but being ornery. At those times, use good old disciplinary limit setting Dr. Fristad: when it’s the can’t behavior, just focus on safety and don’t punish for outbursts later, just problem solve about how to head off the negative spiral sooner Learningmom_1bp11yo1: May I be blunt? Limit setting draws out a very angry response, and it sometimes doesn’t feel “safe” to set limits.... Curlywhirly: hi Teri, we are taking turns with our questions right now so it’s not overwhelming for Dr. Fristad. Crackerjack: The problem I’ve had is differentiating between the two when it’s intermingled with learned behaviors and have had to challenge his limits in ways I didn’t like so much and found he was much more capable than I’d previously thought. Learningmom_1bp11yo1: limit setting can be a trigger, but I know it has to be done. Suggestions? mom2aspclboy: Dr. Fristad, does that also apply to a child with developmental delay? I ask because some of my son’s appearing “won’ts” are really “can’ts” I can tell the difference, but school staff, etc. usually cannot Curlywhirly: no problemo =) Melbal19: I need them also as does learning ***supernova has joined #Brainstorm Scifinut: hi super Melba19: hi super Crackerjack: hey super Curlywhirly: hi supernova Supernova: hello all Mom2aspclboy: Hi super Robin1: hi Learningmom_1bp11yo1: hi sup Dr. Fristad: yes, it applies to all kids. The learning curve might be different, but the lessons we are learning from those who do ABA (in some places, called IBI) with children with severe developmental delays/autism are important to consider Learningmom_1bp11yo1: more info on that please? Dr. Fristad: kids can clearly learn this. One tough thing is to do the problem solving during a calm period, because you probably don’t feel like even addressing conflict at that time... Crackerjack: ABA, IBI?? Not familiar with those acronyms Robin1: both of my kids have in home ABA therapy Dr. Fristad: ABA is applied behavior analysis (what lovaas did in his early treatment of autism) and IBI is essentially a “less rigid” version of that Dr. Fristad: it stands, I believe, for intensive behavioral intervention Crackerjack: ok thanks...still brain dead here apparently :) Dr. Fristad: do you all see the “can’ts” vs. the “won’ts” in your kids? Robin1: you mean the stubbornness! Scifinut: oh yes, especially if it’s something that she really struggles with Curlywhirly: yes, only my older one is very good at disguising the won’ts. Melba19: I can really tell the difference Dr. Fristad: yes, the stubbornness is the won’t Mom2aspclboy: Okay, thanks. I generally treat all of his behaviors in the same way so that he won’t get mixed messages, but others do not because they don’t understand the triggers for many of his behaviors and consider him a bad kid and a disciplinary problem. How do you get others to understand? Curlywhirly: He pitches the same fit for both and I have to let him flounder a bit to see how it plays out.
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