|
|
|
|
|
May 3 Chat Part 8 Robin1: and we have noticed that he is using it more in everyday language as well Dr. Fristad: yes--such as “I understand that’s how you see things, but this is how I see it” Dr. Fristad: it means that you aren’t saying “I’m right, you're wrong” because let’s face it, who likes hearing that? especially what teen? Robin1: or preteen lol Curlywhirly: or mom? =) Robin1: favorite phrase--”You can’t tell me what to do!!” Dr. Fristad: but it does say “my POV does not match yours”--while your child may not glow appreciatively at the time, at least they are getting corrective feedback in a non-hostile manner (because I am “sure” you’ll stay calm as you say this{:) ) Dr. Fristad: you can say “I can’t tell you what to think but I can tell you what I expect from you” Kodysmom: We are having something like that problem in school. K tends to think others are picking on him when they’re not, or it turns out that he’s instigating Crackerjack: yes I’ve had some success with that on a hit/miss basis...I even go far as to say “I realize you see it this way and I see it that way but could you help me see it your way and what would/could you do” then “travel” the conversation with an appropriate and desirable trail but within the vein of his paranoid POV he never uses the information but he calms down LOL Dr. Fristad: misreading social cues is really common--Dr. Leibenluft research is fascinating in this regard Curlywhirly: I like that as a boundary setting statement Dr. Fristad: It helps to explain WHY our kids view the world as threatening--they REALLY ARE interpreting cues differently than others Crackerjack: yes they are Dr. Fristad: C.J.--hey, if he calms down he IS using the information! Crackerjack: well ya I just mean never again, doesn’t apply it later, I have to start from scratch every time lol Supernova: I have a questions re: sibling issues. I have two sons--11yo with BP and Asperger’s and 8 yo w/no dx. They are like oil and water. Short of having them live in separate homes-what can we do? Specifically, how can I make them more accepting of each other’s differences and more tolerant? They get one/one time with mom and with dad, they have separate rooms, and they have different interests Dr. Fristad: but if his brain isn’t processing like yours he really “will” need that extra feedback, even if it’s tiresome for you, and YOU don’t need it Dr. Fristad: supernova--good question, sounds like you’re already doing some good things. Kodysmom: Any ideas on how to help w/interpreting the social cues? Supernova: whatever we are doing is not working lol Kodysmom: sorry supernova, didn’t mean to cut in Curlywhirly: it’s ok Kodysmom, hold that thought =) Dr. Fristad: have you had a very upfront conversation with each of them re: life ISN’T fair--because each of them probably thinks they have the lousier deal Supernova: I think I may have “cut in” actually Kodys Kodysmom: no, no--we had asked for more questions Supernova: oh yes, but this is complicated by Mr. 11’s autism--he has decent TOM skills--but he is still very me-centered Dr. Fristad: but each of them are getting something good too. Ask them to make a fix-it list--get each of their unique perspectives, then sit down and combine them into a family fix-it list. Dr. Fristad: This will begin to address the issues and you’ll never run out of items for he list {:) Supernova: I know Mr. 11 wants a mute button for his noisy brother Learningmom_1bp1yo1: TOM skills? Supernova: theory of mind Dr. Fristad: and since he can’t have that, does he have an ipod?
|
|
|
|
